How to Tell If You Really Have “Irreconcilable Differences” (Or If You’re Just Fed Up)
Before you make any drastic calls about your relationship, I want you to pause. This isn’t about ignoring real issues—it’s about making sure you and your partner both get the chance to experience the best version of you.
Have You Ever Caught Yourself Saying Things Like…
- “That’s it, I’m done.”
- “This is a deal breaker.”
- “You’re crossing the line.”
- “This is non-negotiable.”
- “We’re just too different to ever work.”
- “We’ve grown apart.”
- “We’re incompatible.”
If you’ve said (or even thought) things like that, you’re not alone. These are the kinds of statements MEN make in the months—or sometimes years—before the word divorce shows up on a form with the neat little box that says: Irreconcilable Differences.
Sounds official, right? But often, it’s really just code for:
“I don’t exactly know what’s wrong, but I know I’m unhappy.”
Are There Real Differences That Justify Divorce?
Absolutely. Some relationships simply can’t be repaired. But here’s the trap most people fall into: when we’re exhausted, angry, resentful, or scared, everything feels permanent and unsolvable.
And those same heavy emotions—anger, resentment, confusion, exhaustion—usually belong to both partners. In other words, you already have something major in common:
you’re both hurting.
Trying to decide if your relationship is over when you’re buried under those feelings? That’s like going grocery shopping on an empty stomach. Everything looks urgent, but nothing gets decided well.
What Changed for Me
I’ve been close to divorce many times. But here’s the difference between the old me and the new me: I didn’t make the call to stay in the marriage out of fear. I took the time to sort through what I didn’t want, so I could clearly see what I did want. My wife's emotions or narrative did not dictate how I saw myself, but it was a great thermometer for where the relationship was and where she was.
That clarity allowed me to make a calm, confident choice—one I could stand behind without regret. I chose to learn to be the leader I was not, as well as the leader my wife would never be able to make me into. I started to ask the question why? in every action I did in life, not in a critical way, but introspective, I have read, I consulted, went to therapy, and implemented what I learned.
CLARITY came thankfully came from my first copy of "7 Principles for Making Marriage Work" I read in 2014. I started to implement what I learned and at one point I recognized that the marriage went from one of anxiety, fear, and anger, into one of love, support, trust, and growing intimacy.
That’s what I want for you. To move forward from a place of strength and clarity, not confusion and blame. Gottman's institute based their writings on data and experiments/studies they implemented, not from "trust me bro". I have good results with Men and Couples I work with by implementing the strategies suggested in this book.
The Real Question
Do you actually have “irreconcilable differences,” or are you just running head-on into fear, insecurity, and immaturity? Funny thing is, there’s no checkbox for those on a divorce form. But for many men, that’s exactly what’s underneath.
No Shortcuts
If you want to give yourself—and your partner—a fair shot at living with the best version of you, there’s no shortcut. You can’t fake it. The work men do with me in groups rewires how they think, feel, and show up in relationships. The work we do in group connects the dots in many ways, some men report that the group with it's camaraderie and ability to have a safe space of alike men is the most beneficial space in their lives.
And once it clicks, everything changes: clarity, confidence, and the ability to decide from a solid, grounded place, where the relationship is going, as well as how to be a professional in relationship conflict where theres a Win-Win.
Your Next Step
If you’re serious about reclaiming your confidence and strength, start with a the 12 week group that's starting October 15, 2025 or the second group on October 16, 2025. In the group's you'll learn to cut through the noise, identify where you need to focus, and avoid the traps that keep you stuck.
Don’t just react from anger. Build from clarity. That’s how you know whether it’s really over—or if there’s still something worth saving.